Buyer’s Guide

The goal of my site, is to make it easy for you to buy good sextoys. Just browse through reviews, and pick a toy you like. But, if you decide to buy something that I have not reviewed, heed my advice!

Since you’re buying blindly, you gotta consider certain pointers to increase your chances of getting products with satisfying designs!

Look for the best brands: ToysHeart, Tamatoys, A-One, Tenga, etc.

Look at the internal designs. Avoid the weirder designs, anything that’s advertised as “extremely” anything.

It has to be sealed at the end, for the vacuum effect. If it’s a double-ended hole, it’s a big coin flip whether it’ll be good.

Double holes (pussy and anus in one toy) are usually expensive, and they can easily be mediocre for the price.

The further the toy deviates from standard design, the less chance that the company executed it correctly. Companies put out mediocre experimental products in shiny packages, to salvage design costs.

If the onahole includes a vibrator, don’t even think about it. The vibrator will most likely be loud, clunky, and out of place.

Show preference to toys made elsehwhere than China, because fuck communism.

Be careful if the toy is advertised as simulating “deepthroat”, “boobjob”, “foot sex”, or anything else that’s not “anal” or “vaginal” sex. That’s the mark of an experimental design.

Distribute your budget such that you buy three holes. This way you have a chance of nailing one REALLY good toy, one that’s okay, one that’s downright bad. You could also get two good holes, and one that’s bad. Three strikes is extremely unlikely, when you follow my previous instructions.

If you buy four or more holes in one order blindly, honestly, you’re being stupid. You want to first experience the toys you bought, and get first-hand experience with the brands. You also most likely will not have the libido to ride four holes, especially if your fourth hole was mediocre shite. Save the extra money for your next order, because now you’ll be much wiser about brands, materials, etc.

Only buy four or more holes, if you’re doing research, to start an onahole business like me. – Otaku Apologist